Honestly, its been a hard
season year over here. Lots of tears, battles fought, with some won and some taking every ounce of strength I have and then some. Thankfully through it all there has been a lot of refining, growth and holding onto the Lord with everything I have. So I can't really complain about the process. Anything which brings me closer to Him with a daily drive to be in His presence is worth all the pain.
Being married has been a blessing in so many ways, yet in others I have found it extremely hard. I have this bad habit of caring deeply what other people think of me. Often allowing their opinions to define who I think I am and not the Lord. And its been a hard year for learning to let go of approval from others. From not being ashamed of where the Lord has taken me in life, how He has orchestrated certain things and how I met my husband young.
I started sharing our love story here. Then I stopped, to be honest I almost completely dropped out of the blogging community all together not long after. Many things factored into this happening. But one of which was feeling the desire to hide. You see, I grew up with a deep heart for purity and waiting. For waiting on the Lord's timing for romance and wanting to encourage single young women to fall in love with Him and trust Him to work out the rest. I had a lot of friendships formed with that common ground.
It was a beautiful season in my life.
Then I got married.
And I was ashamed to talk about this beautiful story the Lord had written in my life. I didn't want to make other girls feel bad about where the Lord had them. I wanted to still encourage them to keep waiting and trusting, now knowing that what He had whispered to my young heart about trusting Him was completely true!
But I began to allow this to rob me of the joy He has given me with where I am now.
It has been a hard few years understanding why the Lord gave me a passion for Waiting and Purity, then bringing my husband to me at a young age. I can't begin to understand what it feels to be a late-20 something single girl who is struggling with loneliness and longing for an earthly prince. Yet my heart breaks, because my heart is minister to you, friend. To reach out and assure you that it will be ok. That the Lord does have beautiful plans for each one of us, we are just never sure what those plans are until we are the other side.
I am still not sure how He will continue to use me with this passion. Whether it will change into a passion for something else completely or if He will continue to use me in small ways in this area. I have no idea what the Lord is doing to be honest.
Something I would appreciate your prayer for, friends!
I had started writing here sharing thoughts on purity, waiting and loving the Lord. I still think these are totally relevant. I also feel at a crossroads of Him doing something bigger and moving forward, I just can't yet see what that is. So maybe there are big changes ahead for this little space as I pray, listen and hope to follow His leading.
In the meantime, I am resting in the assurance that God is good.
He is gracious and loving.
Understanding the longings of my heart even I can seem to understand
I am so thankful to sit in His presence when my poor husband is not sure how to help because I don't understand how this passion is still so present in my current life situation.
And my heavenly prince gets it. He understands what I'm feeling and probably smiles knowing what is on the other side of the crossroad.
In the meantime I hope to continue encouraging you ladies, sweet friends. Even in all the rambling and brokenness from this girl. Thankyou for being gracious with me as I have not replied to emails or taken forever to do things.
You show me Christ daily and I am so thankful.