I had to laugh at myself a few weeks ago. On my way to work, I decided that I would stop at my favorite mermaid coffee place where I knew there was a drive-thru to pick up a little caffeine-fix. The line was ridiculous, but oh boy I wanted that caffeine to make it through another winter snowed-in kind of day. So being a little tired (anyone else relate prior to your morning caffeine?)....I make it through the line and get to the window, and realised I never ordered before pulling up!!?! Apparently I just never stopped at the little box to order, I just drove straight to the pick-up window. I laughed so hard at myself you guys! Not to mention the staff inside I'm sure were laughing so hard at me.
So I had the park of shame as I placed my order and pulled aside to wait, while cars behind me had to navigate around me to exit from the Starbucks pick-up line. Cue the shades of red on my face!
Anyway, that hilarious story reminded me for some reason of those moments in grade school. You know the ones where you feel as though everyone in school hates you because you look silly in your outfit that day.
And in reality it may have been that one girl didn't like it and told you in an incredibly confrontational insensitive way while standing in the girls bathroom. Well you let it fester but act on the outside as though you don't care what they think. But by the end of the school day, you are convinced that everyone things you have terrible fashion sense and you vow never to wear that shirt ever again despite the fact that you saved up some of your own money to buy it. Anyone relate?
Yeah - as if braces weren't enough of an issue ;)
My own problem in situations like these, I allowed my feelings to guide my actions. I totally allow people to dictate how I am going to handle life in that moment. Instead of telling myself truth, I allow them power over me by telling me my value (whether that's my stupidity over messing up in a drive-thru line or the shirt I am wearing).
Suddenly my entire worth in one particular area is in shreds and while perhaps a person was rude or insensitive towards me, I gave them the power to tell me my value.
I handed it over to them on a silver platter.
The Lord has broken me in the last few months over this issue. He has began to show me that one of my greatest insecurities is what other people think about me. To the point where one person openly displaying they don't like me much causes a cascade of emotion and insecurity.
I have been putting my value in the wrong places. I have previously allowed anyone with an opinion a say in how valuable I am.
And I see now just how plain stupid that is.
'For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.'
'For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.'
'But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.'
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Oh friends, how I have just held on tight to these words and so many others as I have explored really learning where my value lies. I have been battling so hard to curb this bad habit of mine.
See the only way I have made progress at breaking this was to start shifting my surrender in this battle of worth. To realise that people don't dictate my worth and value. People will do or say things to continually hurt me, but it shouldn't shake my world like it has been.
Because I believe that what God says about me is true.
Now when these thoughts appear after a harsh word or comment, I remind myself of my worth and value through those precious life-breathing words in scripture.
And I'm now finding that it's way healthier for my soul. It's so freeing taking back that power that I had surrendered to people I never should have given it to.
To worry less & put less value in what people say or think about me.
Instead to trust what He has to say about me. And to believe that is the truth.